Lavender's Dungeon

I hold resentment for men and planes

in my frail little fists

balled up

ready for war

–

like my father years ago

a long line of green helmets

and packs

off to the land of bombs and snipers

–

A kiss goodbye

I prayed for him in church

please don’t let them shoot my dad

please let him come back

I can’t carry the weight of my

little brother and overworked mother

all by myself

–

a letter once a month

flowers on my birthday in a pumpkin vase

couldn’t fill the void

---

A boy with no wisdom of women

flying over an ocean

to open my heart for the last time

A night full of deception

a morning filled with lies

snake bites

I’ve flown away before

This time was different

I had an aftertaste

of black coffee

cigarette smoke

and another woman

–

Your last flight out

I never wanted

to be further away from you

you took my soul

back to England

attempted to destroy

my career

my mental health

my quality of life

me.

(Good thing I was already halfway out the door)

the easiest goodbye of all

—

In winter I watched another man get off the plane

my hands were shaking

but this time the days flew by

instead of dragging on

I woke up to you

Slowly running your fingertips

tracing my figure

and when I watched you get on that plane

I replayed every moment

searching for a lie

a part of him that I might eventually loathe

and after days of searching

I was empty handed

—

I watched you get off that plane once again

this time you were my best friend

I knew I loved you just then

Motel rooms

Miyazaki

Chase me in circles around my vintage apartment

and never leave me

---

I told myself I’d never board a plane for a man

In three days time I will land

Omaha a place unknown

but you are forever my home

–Lav (in love)

(4/20/2021)